I'm fascinated by the South African accents, especially how we are portrayed in film and on television; and was thus very interested to hear that Leonardo DiCaprio has given the accent his best shot for a lead role as a South African, in the latest blockbuster, "Blood Diamond".

The spoken word

Firstly, the English South African accent, which is many things depending on who you ask - I've heard locals call it guttural and blunt, whereas some foreigners find it to be well pronounced, distinguished and even sexy - a comment I've heard many times from a diverse range of people, from Canadians to Australians.

(Please note that I'm not talking about the Afrikaans South African accent, a.k.a. "wif a jean pant", but rather those of us that are first language English, a common thing here in "The Last Outpost" a.k.a. Durban)

Many Durbanites are unexplainably embarrassed at their accents, and find any representation of it in American media to be completely cringe-worthy. Is this some kind of inferiority complex that has developed? Is our voice, closer to true British English than the American version, not as worthy of being on the same stage as the voice of other foreign English media that we consume on a daily basis?

And what about our music - I can name many South African bands that would be indistinguishable on stage from the American version that they are imitating; from Texas pop-punk to Seattle grunge, if there's one thing we can do well it's copy-catting the American vocals to blend in perfectly.

However, let's not go there right now; rather let's look at what happens when the roles are reversed, and American actors try their hand at the deep, throaty accent that we are so good at.

Mostly it's a disaster, as their nasal, drawn out vowels translate poorly to the South African pronunciation. This view of mine was recently re-enforced after watching the movie "The Constant Gardner", where Pete Postlethewaite delivered such a phenomenally poor South African accent that I had to inquire online as to whether he was attempting to be German or Australian. It was that bad.

Leo does it wif a belt aswell

So now we have the prodigal DiCaprio himself dabbling in the dark art of the successful Saffa tongue, in his latest movie "Blood Diamond", set in Sierra Leone. He's the protagonist of the story and plays a South African mercenary who attempts to locate a hidden diamond amidst the turmoil of a country devastated by war.

The snippet of info that lead me to writing an article was the revelation in this month's Heat magazine (how embarrassing that I was reading it - I know) that Leo had practiced his accent in Mozambique, where the film was shot, by getting his Saffa friends drunk and imitating them.

That must have been fun for everyone! Can you imagine sitting around a braai with some buddies, trying to sip down a cool 2M beer, with every sentence you say being squawked out parrot-fashion by the American sitting next to you?! Fun.

Of course, the movie hasn't been released in South Africa yet; all I've seen is the trailer and judging from that he may have nailed it. Only just though. It's a fine line, and he's walking it, if you catch my drift. We'll reserve judgment until after it screens in January!

And the liberals get their panties knotted...

Most scandalous though, is some people's response to the film on American movie critic forums, where it has been chastised by bleeding-heart liberals for exactly the kind of reasons I always cite when I criticise Hollywood blockbusters.

Essentially, that Hollywood has glossed over an African story of human tragedy by throwing the emphasis on the love tale between a white guy and the white reporter who is attempting to get the big story on the conflict.

These American 'critics' have posted some fairly strong-worded opinions about the movie, from deriding DiCaprio's accent as appalling and completely ridiculous (because they have no idea what our accent is supposed to sound like); to calling the movie-makers racists for super-imposing a white guy as the misunderstood villian in what should be a black African story, devoid of all palefaces.

The irony of course is that the filmmakers have the plot of the movie spot-on; and for once these activist-type liberals are showing that even their knowledge of the third world can be limited.

They don't seem to realise that there are, in fact, white people with funny accents living in Africa. And that the character Leo plays, the heartless white mercenary from Zimbabwe who smuggles diamonds at the expense of the war-torn country, couldn't be more accurate. It's dead right. There are people like that.

Remember the mercenaries who were arrested in Harare en-route to Equatorial Guinea in an alleged coup attempt? There were plenty of white South Africans in that lot. Proof that this stuff is still big enough to be making headlines today, and it's portrayal in an American film makes perfect sense.

Well perfect sense from a historical point of view, but from a Hollywood perspective? I mean, I like the fact that they're making a film about a white South African, even if he's the bad guy in the plot...

Wait...

Shouldn't we get angry about this? Aren't they perpetuating the negative stereotype that all white South Africans are heartless animals that bleed the African continent of it's natural resources?!?

In true American style, we should sue them! We could join forces with De Beers and the diamond industry for a class action suit!

God I can't decide.

This is one movie that I'm dying to see.