Aaah my capped canine, it's seems i've got one up on you. You see one not so fine day I set out to do my blacks. I arrived at Glenferrie Laundrette and blah blah put coins blah and left the laundrette to get some emailing in at the i-net cafe before work was to start in about 2 hours time.

After an hour I returned to chuck my clothes in the dryer but alas! The half hour wash and rinse cycle was still going. Perplexed I fiddled with the knobs and dials but the machine would not drain so I could dry my clothes so i could get to work. I turned to the cleaner slash wife of the owner of the business and explained the sitch. She, however, didn't agree and told me to put more money in and to wait till it flushed out. There was no option for just a spin cycle.

I payed. I waited. It didn't drain. Surprise! I pointed out to the nice lady that it was not working out as she said and that I would soon be late for work. She wouldn't look at me the whole time (how wude) but managed to resolve that I should place my sopping wet clothes straight into the dryer.

Experiment time! Purpose: To dry clothes for work starting in 30 minutes time. Apparatus: A fistful of dollar coins, a broken washing machine, a dryer, a time piece, sopping wet work clothes and the somewhat tried patience of our hero (me.) Method: Chuck your laundry from the broken machine, thats used twice as much of your cash than it should, into the dryer and proceed to place a shitload of coins into the dryer. Use time piece to assist with the drying time. Observations: Experiment a failure. It would take 3 hours to dry a load like that! Also: minor twitching in facial area.

Now after diplomatically recycling objections like "you were stupid to do your washing the day your'e meant to work" and "that it wasn't her problem," I decided to just pay again and place my clothes in a differant machine and wait out a whole new cycle from scratch. And so I very politely said "Fine then, FUCK YOU" to which she retorted, much to my amusement, "NO, YOU FUCK ME!" Obviously reeling from the look of triumph in my eyes, she pieced together that "Your'e such a dickhead, you'd fuck ANYBODY!" Sporting a big toothy grin on my face I watched as she hastily retreated to her maintenance roon. I then left the establishment to grab a bite to eat and call in late for work.

It was on my return that I noticed that my new nemesis had left for the night. I chucked my spin drained clothes in the dryer and pulled them out, nice and dry, after 30 minutes. It wasn't untill then that I realised the useless tie tied bundle of clothes that used to be the $350 odd black contingent of mine and my girlfriend's wardrobe. The sneaky bitch had thrown bleach into my wash. Every single garment was ruined!

Alright somewhat retarded woman you got me that time! I cant prove it was you. The police cant do anything unless they have proof and, financially speaking, it's not worth the court room for me. But remember, I am the night, and this nights gonna end your days.

And that's a nut!